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illusions that hurt your agency

16 Jan, 2025

half a decade into surfing & studying from the internet, i've now learnt that curiosity is about depth, not breadth. breadth is shallow (in 99% of cases, barring outliers). curiosity is also an illusion. much like agency, smartness, and intelligence. most of us started associating with these words bcs our 9th grade teacher told us so, or our friends who'd call us these to make us feel better when we're down.

we took their presence rather seriously in us without ever questioning what it truly means to have it. u could live in this illusion all your life and die a happy man. ignorance is indeed, bliss. if you are so smart, why aren't you so rich? if you're so curious, why don't you write deep dives & papers? if you're so intelligent, why don't you have ONE innovative project to show for your 'intelligence'?

just bcs u read a cool paper/report that landed on your feed and has a shmexy headline doesn't make u curious. neither is having a smart yt feed. these are all games of cheap dopamine; to make you believe you are something that you aren't (hi Duolingo).

it's about the hours you've willingly put in diving deep to understand that word or concept you read in that shmexy-sounding article / yt video. and how well u truly understood it. whether you can eli5 it. question your depth, anon. you'll realise not only you, but most of the world around you is shallow. it's a world of pretence.

oh and yeah, my writing this is also pretentious. i'm neither curious nor smart or intelligent. i dropped believing that a year ago. when i truly understood their functions (and how they affect outcomes).