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will i amount to anything?

17 Jan, 2025

my quest to sanity had an insane tussle b/w finding semblance between our insignificance with knowledge that i'm 1/8,00,00,000 humans vs the belief that I'm different. the isolation of self from all humans makes us believe we're different (function of a strong ego). in this tussle, it soon turned out, that it's because my consciousness was the only one i knew, so isolating myself from the world was a by-product of the conditioning society grows u up in. and that there was nothing wrong with it. holons; a whole and a part of a collective consciousness. that's what we all are.

after a while of taking myself far too seriously, i answered: yes. i'm insignificant and will continue to be. i won't amount to much. no matter how hard i try. everybody forgets. everybody comes alone & dies alone. naked. comes with no possession & goes with none. legacy of 'self' is again, an illusion. you won't have as big an impact on humanity as you grew up thinking. and that's the honest reality. solopreneurship is a cope for easy wi-fi money and a mid life. even if there's money and supposed "freedom".

but, your work can. if you surrender to the act of it, and not what it can get you. it's naturally quite hard, because we grew up exclusively chasing outcomes (marks, a college / branch, a placement et al). but that killed me. freedom was in the act, not the reward.

sanity was found when i realised that you've to take your work seriously & not yourself! it's a common advice that takes far too long to get a grip around. that my work can amount to a lot. that your work will last far, far longer than you. contributing to a mission that's larger than feeding goals of self (which are mostly materialistic: social relevance, wealth, security, identity) is far more fulfilling to any human being alive (certain about this)

kill out ambition. ambition is the first curse: the great tempter of the man who is rising above his fellows. it is the simplest form of 'looking' for a reward. to work for self is to work for disappointment. work as those work who are ambitious. seek in the heart the source of evil and expunge it. only the strong can kill it out. the weak must wait for its growth, its fruition, its death. but by then, the coffee gets cold.

note to reader: read karma yoga & light on the path.