meta on money
03 Jan, 2025
the idea of money occupies me very very often, as i observe where my dopamine, delight & misery arrives from, i often find money to be a deep source of misery, instability, insecurity, desperation or day dreaming. weeks & months worth of dialogue have been put in trying to rationalise my history with money, to better change it
a million different ways to make a million, none better than the other, because money is a commodity. it doesn't think or care or feel anything about you. it has no emotions. maybe the right way to look at money, is to look at it without emotions too. with equanamity. profit/loss both are inevitable. money is electricity, an energy. let it pass through you. do not dream of hoarding it. the more i tried hoarding it, the more sour it got, the more dissonance i found with the divine energy of my reality.
growing up, money was not only scarce, but instead, a demon. i saw fights, violence, anger & disrespect for a couple of thousands (sometime, much lesser). i saw it break trust, love & happiness. as much as i despised it, i wasn't awake to make a conscious choice of breaking that pattern. i looked it as the underlying theme to life; beyond happiness & love. it was attached to your self-worth & your character. i looked upon all my friends & their families with abundance of wealth, i often looked down at mine. money was only an excuse to look down upon them, there were issues far deep seeded than scarcity of money only triggered. my earliest memory remains of surrendering to illicit ways to acquiring money or a commodity. mom's purse, a chocolate from the supermarket. it always starts small.
fast forward to a few years: only to realise that all of this dismantled my character in entirety. a mindset shift arrived when life was dull for a year; not only on money, but on the meta of how i was living life wrong. money is a sub-energy. a greater energy drives life; it drives healthy relationships, discipline, wealth, purpose — you get the jig. you have one, you can likely get all. the answer can cross-pollinate. i struggle to articulate this answer in words — if you've got 3 hours & i like you, you may find sense in ~30mins of words i tie together
you've to first be rich mentally, in realms above reality (cause) to let it crop in your physical realm (effect). you can't win if you don't play, so don't forget that you have to be playing constantly, manifesting is bullshit if you're on your couch all day long.
money is a commodity, that exists in abundance. billions of dollars of value created everyday. although money requires definite discipline. society will judge how u make ur wealth. how you make your money will also build character. but a dollar is a dollar. it serves the same purpose. as long as u can go sleep peacefully at night with a clear conscience, nothing else matters. you won't get rich renting your time, that's for sure. i promised myself to not to sign up for a consulting gig even when i'm completely free — for then i'm again, a slave to the 1st of the month. u need to believe in asymmetric opportunities & actually put your money where your mouth is. in every action u do. slowly then suddenly. you have to pay the price to educate yourself in business, content, friends etc (all different kinds of wealth: money, fame, appreciation, relationships). although attention (fame) is limited, wealth is unlimited. money is ironically a positive sum play. just like happiness & love. we can all be happy wealthy & full of love in a utopian era.
i say these things as someone who is nor privileged, nor wealthy, nor having made the right decisions in life around money & people. but now i'm starting to see why. the backwards law by alan watts. the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. the more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.
it brings misery. happiness doesn't require money. happiness also trumps wealth & fame (which are features of the matrix).
as i was telling ips today, it's only worthwhile to see through the game if you can win & then retire, to sound smart & still be broke is a second hand man's game.